


Harry Potter and that time he went off the rails (1)

by ForeverAndAShay



Series: Harry Potter and that time he went off the rails [1]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, JK Rowling - Fandom
Genre: 12 Grimmauld Place, Comedy, Dark Comedy, Gen, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hogwarts, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 22:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20664482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverAndAShay/pseuds/ForeverAndAShay
Summary: Having just lost his god father, Sirius, an off the rails Harry Potter moves out of his aunt and uncle’s house to live alone at Twelve Grimmauld Place for the rest of the summer. However, given his age and state of mind, Dumbledore will only agree to this on the condition that Remus Lupin moves into The Black House too, to keep an eye on him. Remus quickly finds out this task is tougher than he’d anticipated.





	Harry Potter and that time he went off the rails (1)

1

“Shit!” Remus ducked as a large shard of glass flew past his head and shattered against the front door. “Harry?”   
“You can scream all you want, you grim bitch, one way or another, I’m finishing you!” Harry picked up a glass vase from a pile he’d made in the narrow hallway and threw it with force at the howling portrait of Walburga Black. It smashed against the picture, glass shards flying in all directions, and the painted woman screeched in offence, clawing at the surface of the canvas as if trying to break free and reach for Harry.   
“You like that, scary hag?” Harry laughed, reaching down to pick up yet another vase, but Remus ran forward and grabbed his wrist.   
“I think you’ve made enough mess for today, buddy, just help me close the curtains.” He said sternly. Harry looked at him in annoyance but eventually rolled his eyes and yanked hard at one of the moth-eaten curtains. Remus did the same with the other and with a lot of effort, they covered the furious woman.   
Slowly, her screams died out and silence fell over the dark corridor. Harry looked at the floor with intense angry eyes. Remus stood watching him, unsure what to do next. Since Sirius’ death, a month ago, Harry had been growing increasingly unpredictable, and Remus was struggling to work out how to deal with him. A few more moments of silence passed, then suddenly the tenseness left Harry’s body and he bounced into the kitchen as if he’d forgotten the entire ordeal.   
“Where’ve you been?” He called out to the hall, where Remus was still staring at the spot where a raging Harry had just been standing.   
“Er…” he replied, trying to collect his thoughts. “I went to see Dumbledore. He wanted to know how you’ve been doing.” Remus slowly peered his head round the kitchen door and watched in befuddlement as Harry practically skipped to the fridge and pulled out a jar of jam.   
“Why?” Harry replied without looking up from the chopping board on the kitchen table.   
“Why?” Remus almost laughed. “What on earth do you mean why?”  
“Well he spent all of the last year completely ignoring me and now suddenly he wants weekly updates on me? The fuck’s that about?” Harry took a bite out of his jam sandwich and with one hand, threw the chopping board across the kitchen so it landed with a crash in the sink. Remus didn’t really know how to respond to that. “What did you tell him?”   
“Well…” Remus exhaled, moving to sit down at the table. “I said you’ve been… up and down.”   
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry frowned, shoving the last of the sandwich into his mouth.   
“Well I mean… today alone, from where I’m sitting, it looks like you spent the morning going round the house collecting vases, and then you threw those vases at a painting, and now you’re… eating a sandwich.” Harry stared at him for a moment, thinking it over, and then shrugged in what Remus took as acceptance.   
“Yeah well what do you guys want from me? What the fuck am I supposed to do? What do you want me to be? Quiet? Bored? Normal?” Harry swung his arms out and Remus grimaced slightly, sensing this might me the start of another outburst.   
“We don’t want you to be anything but okay, Harry”   
“Well how the fuck am I supposed to be okay, when all that ever happens to me is… is… not okay stuff?” Harry picked up the jam covered knife from his plate and wedged it into the table. Remus raised a disapproving eyebrow and reluctantly, Harry yanked it out of the wood. “Like… like how would you be if shit just kept hitting the fan in your life just time and time again?”  
“Well, shit does keep hitting the fan in my life, Harry, all my friends are dead, Voldemort’s back, we’re on the brink of war, and oh I’m still a shitting werewolf. Plus now I’ve got the stress of wondering whether or not you’re gonna accidentally kill yourself during one of your… vase rampages.”   
Harry huffed and threw the knife at wall at the far end of the kitchen so it ricocheted off the tiles and plunged into the dishwater, leaving a smudge of jam on the wall.   
“Always with the throwing.” Remus sighed, shaking his head.   
“Yeah fine, I get it, we’re all in the shit, but…. Fuck, you know what I mean.” Harry stormed out the kitchen and up the stairs.   
Remus remained at the kitchen table scratching his head. He heard the loud slam of Harry’s bedroom door.   
“Fuck…” he muttered. He did know what Harry had meant. It couldn’t have been easy going through everything he’d been through, especially at his age. And now to be told the fate of the world rested solely on his shoulders. It was too much pressure for anyone. Perhaps given all that, his behaviour was normal, but Remus did wonder if he should’ve mentioned last weeks misadventure to Dumbledore. After all, is it really normal to build a five foot model of Hogwarts out of lolly sticks and then set the whole thing on fire at four o’clock in the morning?  
‘I’ll mention it to him next week.’ Remus thought. 

*

Remus gasped for air as he bolted upright in bed. The room was dark apart from the glimmer of the half moon spilling in through a gap in the curtains. The dusty clock on the bedside table read three o’clock in the morning. Remus got out of bed and paced the small room, gliding his fingers across the thick wooden beams of the four poster bed. He’d woken up like this and paced every night for weeks. He had a routine now. After pacing the room for a few minutes, he tended to stare out the window. He’d look up at the moon, sometimes thinking about Sirius, sometimes James and Lily, sometimes Harry, sometimes nothing at all. He’d stare for hours. But tonight, a dark figure came into his line of sight and broke his concentration.   
He watched curiously as the figure walked down the street, getting further and further away from the house. It was a man. Not a particularly threatening looking man; a normal-looking man, in dark jeans and a hoodie. Probably young, Remus deduced, based on the clothes. Before long, the man had completely vanished into the distance and Remus went back to moon gazing. Tonight he wanted to think about nothing. Nothing but the brightness of the moon. And so that’s what he did. Until he felt a slight knot in his stomach. Something was off.   
“Fuck.” He muttered walking with haste to his bedroom door. He tiptoed down to the other end of the corridor where Harry’s bedroom door was slightly ajar. Slowly, Remus pushed it open and peered into the room. It was dark. No light was coming in through the tightly drawn curtains. Remus squinted in the direction of Harry’s bed, trying to make out the outline of a human body.   
‘Yeah he’s there, I can make him out.’ Remus thought to himself. ‘Wait… is he? Yeah he is. Shit! No he’s not. Yes he is, he’s right there! Okay fine… he’s there.’  
Remus backed out of the room and turned to walk back down the corridor. He got halfway back to his room before he paused uncertainly, tapping his fingers in frustration against the sides of his legs.   
“Fuck it.” He shrugged and re-entered Harry’s room, switching on the light.   
Suddenly a mess of stacked books, clothes mounds, discarded quills, and crumpled parchment appeared before him. In the middle of the room was a four posted bed, much like the one in his own room. The bed was covered in heaps of blankets and scattered velvet cushions, but no one was laying in it.   
“Shit!” Remus yelled, running back down the corridor to his own room.  
Hastily, he grabbed his wand from the bedside table and bolted out of the room, down the stairs, and out of the front door.   
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” he repeated as he ran down the road in the direction of the hooded man. He ran for what felt like hours, through identical silent muggle streets, turning his head rapidly in all directions in search of Harry. But the streets were empty. Finally, he stopped in the middle of the road, panting and hunched over, with his hands on his knees.   
‘Where the fuck has the shit got to?’  
Remus straightened up and sighed, trudging over to a bench just outside a small park. He tried to reason with himself. Perhaps this wasn’t as disastrous as he was making it out to be. Realistically what was the worst that could happen?  
‘Voldemort could find Harry before I do and murder him and then the entire world will be fucked and it’d be my fault for not recognising my own fucking kid walking down the road.’  
“Fuuuuuuuuuck.” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. Dejected, he peered round at his surroundings, realising it’d at least be nice to work out where he was. It was just muggle house upon muggle house, apart from to his left where a one story red bricked building with a large blue sign above the door that read “Swimming Pool” stood.   
“What the…” Remus muttered, rising from the bench. The large doors of the swimming pool were open slightly. “Surely he’s not… the fuck is he doing in there?”   
Cautiously, he approached the open doors, wand drawn. The corridor within was dark but as he stepped over the threshold of the door, he could hear the slightest sound of splashing water. Remus, headed in the direction of the noise, the smell of chlorine getting stronger with each step, until eventually he reached a set of glass doors leading to a large rectangular swimming pool. It appeared like a sheet of black silk in the night, glistening in the moonlight that cascaded down from the high glass ceiling. Remus rested his head against the doors, staring in, charmed by the restful scene. But he was soon reminded why he was here when a bizarre shadow floated into his line of sight.   
Remus grabbed his chin and squinted, making out the outline of a boy reclining on what looked like a man sized rectangular bubble. He swung the doors open and lifted his wand.   
“Lumos maxima!”   
The room exploded with brilliant white light and the swimming pool snapped into technicolour as Remus stared in bewilderment at a young boy frowning at him from the middle of the pool, where he lay, fully clothed on a pink floating rectangle, seemingly some sort of muggle floating device.   
“What the fuck are you doing?” He called to the boy, arms stretched out wide in exasperation.   
“Safari.” Harry yelled back gesturing to the water. Remus looked deep into the turquoise pool and saw hundreds of colourful fish gliding through the water. Flickers of fiery oranges, dazzling greens and yellows, rich regal purples, and luminous pinks danced below the surface of the water. If he wasn’t so disconcerted, Remus would’ve been quite impressed. He looked back up at Harry who was now throwing chunks of jam sandwich to jumping fish.   
“Get out please!” Remus walked round the edge of the pool so he was now level with Harry. He gestured for him to paddle to the edge, but Harry shook his head.   
“I am the lord of the fish!” Harry raised his arms to the sky and laughed.   
“What the fuck?” Remus muttered to himself, slowly pacing in a small circle at the edge of the water. He looked down at his damp feet, suddenly aware that not only was he shoeless, but he was wearing pyjamas. “Shit a fucking brick…”  
Harry continued throwing sandwich chucks to the fish, making them jump higher and higher each time.   
“Fuck’s sake, Harry! Get out now!” Remus snapped, anger was burning inside him. Harry had taken note of the change in his tone and was no longer laughing. They glared at each other in silence.   
“I don’t fucking want to-“  
“Avada Kedavra!” A bolt of green light cut through the air and would have sliced straight through Harry’s head had he not plunged himself into the water. Remus wheeled around and saw two men dressed in black stood at the end of the pool, wands raised. He lifted his wand in response.  
“Stupefy!” Remus yelled, launching the jet of red light that spurted from the end of his wand at the intruders. Flares of red and green light hurtled through the air as Remus and the two men battled. His eyes darted to the pool every few seconds, trying to locate Harry, but all he could make out were blurs of rainbow coloured fish. With every spell, he edged closer to the men, trying to get a clearer shot. Eventually he managed to paralyse on of them with a body-bind charm, sending the man hurtling to the floor like a plank of wood, but the other was still duelling ferociously.   
“Fuck!” Remus threw himself against the brick wall of the pool as a shot of green light bolted past him. He looked up at the man who had now lowered his wand and rolled up his sleeve to reveal a dark mark on his forearm. Icy chills tore down his spine and sank deep into his bones as he watched the man lowering a finger into the mark.   
“Bombarda!” A crackle of red light smashed against the enormous industrial light hanging from the ceiling and obliterated the wire it was suspended from. It hurtled to the ground and landed with a sickening crunch.   
Remus blinked a few times.   
‘Well fuck… a… duck…’  
Volumes of thick red fluid oozed from the beneath the shattered light. The mangled body caught up in it convulsed for a few seconds before falling silent and lifeless. In front of the fleshy mess, a head bobbed out of the water, it turned to face Remus.   
“Smashed it… literally.” Harry laughed. Remus stuttered, unable to find words. He paced frantically for a few seconds.   
“Okay, now get out of the fucking pool!” He finally exclaimed, marching over to the bloody heap of organs and metal at the edge of the pool where Harry was floating, and yanking him up by an arm. Harry didn’t fight him, and clambered out of the water, his thick unruly hair drenched and sticking to his pink cheeks. The pair looked down at the two bodies.   
“What the fuck are we gonna do now?” Remus shook his head.   
“There’s a graveyard, like two minutes down the road from here,” Harry gestured in its direction. “We could burry them in there.”  
“That one’s not even dead.” Remus pointed at the still frozen man, lying rigid on the floor, his clothes slowly becoming inked in his partner’s blood. His face expressed pure terror and muffled noises of pleading were just about escaping his bound lips.   
“Well no…” Harry shrugged. “Not currently.” Remus glared at him.   
“Do you not think one violent murder is enough for tonight?”  
“Hey, they tried to violently murder me first!” Harry retorted. Remus exhaled deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose.   
“Fine. That one we bury.” He pointed to the crushed body. “That one we take to Dumbledore.”  
“Are you mad?” Harry put his hands on his head.  
“Am I mad?”  
“Dumbledore can’t find out about this! I’ll be housebound for fucking life!”  
“Oh, buddy, you’re about to be housebound for life whether Dumbledore knows about this or not.” Remus assured him.   
“Dumbledore’s gonna be just as mad at you as he’ll be at me.” Harry shrugged. Remus raised an eyebrow.   
“How’ve you worked that one out?”  
“You’re supposed to be babysitting me. This all happened on your watch.”  
“Fuck…” Remus looked up at the night sky, searching for some inspiration. “We’re not killing the other one. Besides, he’s more useful alive. He might have information.”   
“Maybe we say we found him lurking around the streets by the house and we just don’t mention the other guy.” Harry suggested. Remus nodded his head slowly, considering the option.   
“Yeah fuck it, that’ll do.” He shrugged.   
Birds were chirping in the trees outside now, and dim beams of sunlight were beginning to poke through the clouds and light the room. The fish in the pool seemed a little more subdued now, perhaps just as shaken up as Remus by the events of the night.   
“We’d better clear this place up before the muggles show up.” Remus gazed apprehensively at the incongruous state of the large room, from the shattered glass covering the floor, to the heinous crime scene at the edge of the pool, to the outlandish occupants of the water.   
“Yeah I know…” Harry sighed. A moment of quiet settled in the room as the pair watched the fish glide through the water with elegance. “I fancy a jam sandwich when we get in, do you?” Remus closed his eyes in disbelief.   
“Yeah I do to be fair.”


End file.
